SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.

You may have noticed that I’ve put this blog out to pasture lately. That words were not forthcoming, that I assiduously avoided the Internet, that Austin Eavesdropper was quickly becoming a twinkle in your memory if not in your eye.

Well, I am here today to report that there is a reason for all of that.

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It may appear as though I’m currently showing you a picture of a lung blockage or perhaps a tumor; what I’m showing you however is a baby. That’s right, a baby.

I’m about three and a half months into things, but have avoided telling you all until now because:

A) I don’t know how to be cute about these things on the Internet. Some women create these adorable photos with empty baby shoes or their pets holding signs or whatever, but internal soul searching has finally revealed that I am not one of these women. I applaud them though, because…

B) Pregnancy turns you into an insufferable moaner. I mean it REALLY DOES. You guys: no one warned me about first trimester! I whine, I complain, nothing tastes good, and I can smell for miles. I am like a she-wolf who can pick up your gym socks from Marfa. The fact that all these pregnant ladies of the Internet post cheery pictures of their bumps while they are nauseous and headachey and heart burny and overheated and snapping irrationally at their partners and have probably just thrown up is nothing short of heroic in my eyes. Happy, pastel-hued pregnancy blogs: I salute you!

C) We’ve been waiting for first trimester to pass. Not only so that I can wipe the permanent frown off my face and bask in the glow of second trimester, but because Ross and I were pregnant before last summer and it didn’t work out during the first trimester. That’s a tale for another day, but the proverbial silver lining to that whole ordeal was that it affirmed that yes, we wanted this thing, and were lucky enough to get pregnant again soon. HOWEVER:

D) Uh…we don’t know what we’re doing. I know, nobody does. You’ll figure it out!¬†our friends with kids reassure us. Your maternal instincts will kick in! And while I believe them, and have dutifully read Bringing Up Bebe for pointers, sometimes I’m not so sure.

Vanity, for instance. Did you know that is is possible to still be very vain while you are pregnant? My little May birthing cohort on BabyCenter.com and I are firmly divided into two camps: those who plan to girdle postpartum, and those who do not.

LIZZY61NYC: So are you guys going to wrap your belly after birth?

MOONMAMA912: Honey, you won’t care about any of that after you give birth!!! So your body will be squishy after but you’ll be holding your brand new bundle!! JUST ENJOY IT! :-D :-D :-D

TOLLYAUSTIN: I’d like to hear more about this “wrap.”

SUSHIGIRL124: SECOND. Didn’t Jessica Alba do that???

2STARFAERIES: omg u guys, post preg bodies are gorg/luvly no matter the SIZE or the STRETCH MARKS or the WHAT HAVE U so just ACCEPT CHANGES and GIT OVER IT. And LOVE UR BABY that is what MATTERS—-!!!

TOLLYAUSTIN: Sound points all, 2StarFaeries, but seriously if anyone has a link to order an online belly band I’d love to have it.

LIZZY661NYC: I will private message it to you!!

SUSHIGIRL124: Me too!!!! Oh please!

MOONMAMA912: I’m telling you ladies, YOU WON’T CARE! :-O :-O That extra belly flub is just going to be the very last thing on your minds!!!! Forget the girdle and let nature take its course, bigger feet & wider hips & all of that is part of *being a mom* ;-) and your sweet little baby won’t care a bit what you look like!!!!

TOLLYAUSTIN: I’ll look for your message, Lizzy661NYC.

LIZZY661NYC: Totes!

2STARFAERIES: wutever.

BabyCenter.com conversations like these don’t just illustrate my (admittedly irrational) body anxieties; they get at something deeper that I now think about all the time.

“Shouldn’t I be a little more selfless?” I’ll think. “Will I care more about my waist than my baby? Will I be one of those narcissistic, cold mothers? Shouldn’t I be over all that stuff by now?”

Anyway.

The good news is: I physically feel much better now. Also, I’m still happily shocked every time I see an ultrasound image of our baby on the screen – like, are you serious? We did that? We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet; it could be a banana for all I know. I’m trying to follow all the little pregnancy rules, but I cheat here and there. Just a bit of raw fish at breakfast sometimes. Kidding! I’m kidding. What I really mean is crack. I enjoy crack on my cereal.

I’m sure I’ll keep writing about pregnancy on this blog, under one condition: please, PLEASE do tell me if I get boring. Ok? I realize that feeling kicks and early contractions and yada yada might be fascinating to me, but about as compelling as a lecture on vermiculture to you. (Unless you’re a vermiculturist. I don’t know.)

What else to tell you? My friend Omar Gallaga and I started a podcast! An Austin culture podcast for the Statesman/Austin 360 called “Statesman Shots.” That link right there is our first test show. We don’t know yet if it’s going to become a real thing or not come 2014, but are super hopeful. Each week, we’ll discuss a handful of topics salient to Austin, and have a guest on our show to discuss them with us. I think the tone is: Sardonic? Maybe I’m flattering us. Chatty? It’s the kind of stuff Omar and I get together and talk about anyway, things we adore about Austin and things that annoy us about it too. We’re annoyed because we care! Our first topics were: festival overload in Austin, can Austin stay affordable for artists, and techbros.

If you listen and have feedback for the show (“I loved it! It was just right!” or “I hated it! It was too long!”), OR have topic suggestions for future episodes, we’d be delighted to hear both.

Whew. I better stop running my mouth and let you get back to your day. But, in summary: Baby! Podcast! Vanity! Life!

It’s been good to catch up, y’all. Let’s do more of this.

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